Makeup artist from Manchester. I live in my own little bubble most of the time, I like all things horror and cute.
Sometimes it's hard being the girl that's "always smiling" that "always looks happy" and that "giggles at everything"
Because no one actually fully believes you when you tell them you suffer from depression and high anxiety. I finally got it confirmed by the doctor a couple of weeks ago and having to come to the terms I have a "mental illness" was pretty tough to begin with. Yes I have good days and days like today where I'm watching and talking to people but I'm just staring and nothings going in, where I want to curl up in a ball even if there's loads of people round or drive off somewhere.
The media romanticises depression and mental illness, but honestly, there's nothing romantic about crying on your boyfriend while he tries to understand what's going on in your head, or when your mum worries about you because she doesn't want to see you hurting.
Sometimes I just want someone who doesnt actually know to see through my happy face and understand how it feels and sometimes I don't want to act brave and strong.
I don't know what the Fuck is going on anymore. Haha
I’m tired of messing things up and ruining stuff.
I try and make everything perfect and I just end up letting my emotions get in the way.
Oh Fuck :(